We Are All Going

in my worst attacks
_{(dead at night
i am so alive and
sleep deprived
until my name is on
forgotten lips)}
i turn to my old friends
who travelled far
until they stopped at their
highest point
_{(they set foot on mars
while i sat in my bedroom
staring through telescopes on
TV screens
wishing to be the stars)}

i was left alone
unattached to anything
_{(everything anywhere anyone)}
and abandoned by the earth
_{(i am like a lone moon
floating through space
adrift)}

the galaxies become you
spell your name and smile out in star dust
i try your name on for size
it is far too big for me
_{(we are all made from stardust
but i do not live up to that
you do though
you always will)}

boys kiss you and
break your heart and
i get angry enough to kill
and you get scared when i start crying
but you take control
_{(you are more like the sun than the earth
so powerful and destructive
but you will never die)}

i wonder if you — or anyone
really — notices
do you see the fine cracks
appearing in my façade?
_{(remember in summer time
long ago
days blurred together so much
my habits were killing me
i missed you
i wonder how i would have done it)}

i will crash into the earth
take you down with me